No parking

Chris: [mumble mubmle] document!
Me: What document?
C: Me!
M: You're a document?
C: Yes.
M: You're not a person?
C: Well, that's what you have to decide. Am I a person or a document?
M: A person.
C: I'm not a printing document? Of the [mumble mumble]?
M: Do you have an on/off switch?
C: No.
M: So what happens when I push this? [taps his forehead]
C: You don't wanna know!
M: I did it already! What will happen?
C: Nevada will park on New Jersey tomorrow.
M: [laughs]

Doctor

Chris: Doctor, I'm kind of concerned you left all the greens on your plate.
Me: Greens?
C: Yeah, all the broccolis.
M: Who are you calling doctor?
C: [with attitude] Who you callin' doctor?

Little rats

Chris: [looks very confused] What is that? [points at end of bed] (Sound familiar?)
Me: My hoodie.
C: Oh, ok.
M: What did you think it was?
C: A little rat.
M: A rat? Why would there be a rat in the bed?
C: I was waiting for you to tell me.
M: Where would it have come from?
C: I don't know.

Pianning

Chris: The man with the piano...watch out...[mumble]...nuking.
Me: What about the man?
C: He has a piano.
M: What is he doing with it?
C: ...Pianning.
M: [laughs] Pianning?
C: Yeah. That's what you do with a piano.
M: Ok. And what did you say about nuking?
C: Nuking.
M: Yeah, who's nuking?
C: I don't know.

I think someone's been playing too much Fallout 3 lately.

Super Powers

Chris: Hm. I didn't notice that before. [raises arm and lets it fall back down]
Me: Notice what?
C: [raises arm and lets it fall back down]
M: What are you pointing at?
C: Well, before...like, say 3 weeks ago, this arm would have had no trouble holding itself up. Now...[flops arm down again]
M: Now it falls?
C: Yeah.
M: Why?
C: Well, someone took the power, so it can't hold itself up.
M: I'm sure you could hold it up if you tried!
C: But that's the point! It used to stay on its own. But someone stole the super power.
M: Your super power is holding your arm upright? [laughing]
C: [smiles] Pretty impressive, huh?
M: [laughs]
C: And it's all because of the anupi-nupi plant!
M: [laughs harder] The what??
C: The anupi-nupi plant.
M: Oh, is that the plant we were talking about earlier? The one that can be used as a paper clip? (We had been joking around about this made-up plant earlier, long story)
C: No, I've already forgotten the name of that one.

Yarn death

Well, as I've done a few times before, I went and had another midnight freak-out. Chris's sleep-talking is usually subdued and he rarely gets upset about anything he's talking about at the time. I'm not so lucky. Me? I have the occasional "OMG THE WORLD IS ENDING" (even if it is just a spider) nightmare. Neither of us wrote down this conversation, but we both remember the gist of it.

I woke up in a complete panic. All I knew was that Chris had some horrible disease where yarn grew out of his mouth and suffocated him. It was my job to snip the end of the yarn as it came out his mouth, at least every half hour or so, and if I failed to do so, he'd die. I looked over at him, realized that I'd fallen asleep and let him go all night without me snipping the yarn, and was convinced he was dead. I apparently shook him while hyperventilating and panicking (though neither of us remembers what I was saying while hyperventilating), trying to make him come back to life, which of course woke him up. He calmly told me it was just a nightmare and that it was ok. It took me a few minutes to realize that everything was ok and it was just a dream. I suppose it's probably a good thing I didn't have scissors nearby...anyway, I hope I don't have any dreams like this again, though. It was pretty awful.

Crawling fish

Chris: It's constantly crawling.
Me: What is?
C: Waters. Waters.
M: Water?
C: Wilbur.
M: The fish? (We have a fish named Wilbur.)
C: Yeah.
M: How's he crawling?
C: He's going from start to finish.
M: Is he in a race?
C: No.
M: What's the start?
C: I don't know.
M: How is he crawling?
C: I don't know. Why don't you ask him?
M: What would he say?
C: Merp!