Cousen people

Chris: [mumble mumble] download cusen person.
Me: Download what?
C: Mass cusen person.
M: What's that?
C: It's uh, see, multiple cusen persons.
M: What's a cusen person?
C: You know, like a cuse.
M: A what?
C: A cuse.
M: What's a cuse?
C: ...
M: Like couscous?
C: Yeah.
M: So, you eat these people?
C: Yeah.
M: Why would you do that? Do they taste good?
C: No.
M: Oh, well, I guess we shouldn't eat them then.
C: No.
M: So, who are they?
C: They're from uh...
M: From where?
C: [uncertain mumble, not really with me anymore]
M: You don't know?
C: No...
M: Ok, then. Anything else you'd like to tell me?
C: [silent]

Wife Contract

I strung this one on pretty far!

Chris: You have to contact up.
Me: Contact who?
C: Contact up. They need to know you're here.
M: What do they need to know? I live here!
C: That's true. It's not like a contract or anything.
M: I should hope not. Are you contracting me out to be your wife?
C: Hmm..I think that can be arranged.
M: [laughs] Who would I be reporting to?
C: Who do you want to report to?
M: I don't know. You're the one telling me I have to contact up.
C: That's true. Why don't you report to Behfeh (like last time, Behfeh is the cat)
M: [laughs] Ok...
C: And I guess Behfeh has a dotted line to the CEO of Whirlpool.
M: [laughs] Ok.
C: And then, uh...I don't know. I'll have to ask Behfeh where the rest of the organization is.
M: Ok. Is there anything else I need to do?
C: You mean as far as reporting is concerned?
M: Yeah.
C: No, I think that should cover all our bases.
M: Ok. Do I have to draw up a report?
C: [starting to sound very sleepy] Could you do that?
M: Ok, how long would you like it to be?
C: Nothing too fancy, just a page or two should do.
M: And what should it say?
C: Oh, just make it the standard report.
M: I don't know what the standard is. I'm new.
C: Oh. Um, I'll forward you an example.
M: [laughs] Ok. So, who wrote this example? Like, was it you or someone else?
C: I wrote it.
M: Oh, so I didn't have a predecessor?
C: No.
M: That's good to know. Well, alright. I'll get to work on that.
C: What?
M: I'll get to work on it.
C: Oh.

He speaks!!

So it appears reading has helped a bit! The first few nights of reading didn't seem to be doing much for his night talking, but then one night he bit me a few times (lightly!...though that's still pretty weird. Ooh, or! Maybe I have my very own Edward!) and the next night, he talked:

Chris: [sits up, points fingers like a gun at nothing] Hey, Behfeh. [looks down at cat] (Behfeh is how he sometimes pronounces our cat Buffy's name)
M: What are you doing?
C: I wonder if there's a capacitance charge or not.
M: What? Capacitance?
C: If there's a charge.
M: Charge in what though? Is that a gun?
C: Well, we'll have to see. If there's no charge, no.
M: Who are you aiming at?
C: ...
M: Cripper?
C: [looks around, looks at me, then flops back down and covers head with sheet] Don't wake me!
M: But were you going to shoot Buffy?
C: No, I'd never do that to Beefy.

Someone's playing too much Fallout

Chris: [claps hand on my arm] Welcome back!
Me: From where?
C: Uh, let's see. It was from one genre to another.
M: Genre?
C: Yeah, first you were deadly beauty and now you're...I can't remember the word.
M: I'm a deadly beauty?
C: Well, of course!
M: [laughs] Ok.
C: I just have to finish this scenario.
M: What scenario?
C: In Anchorage.
M: Ohhh, is this Fallout?
C: Yeah.
M: Are you trying to kill me?
C: No.
M: I'm on your team?
C: Yeah.
M: Am I helpful?
C: Yeah.
M: Well, that's good.

Not unique

Chris: Who has the power to decide who's playing?
Me: You do.
C: How?
M: Just push the button.
C: Which one?
M: The red one.
C: But there are many buttons.
M: Just push the red one.
C: There must be millions of people playing. How do I have the power to choose?
M: You're the only one playing now.
C: There's 13 million people playing. Statistically I'm not unique.
M: Sure you are.
C: If I were to pick my nose right now and do a survey, I would not be unique.
M: What if you picked your nose and screamed "I like to eat eagles!"
C: Are you accusing me of being asleep?
M: [laughs] Yes.
C: I'm totally conscious on this one. (Where have I heard that before?)
M: [laughs]

NFL logos

Chris: [disapprovingly] Hmm...I don't know about that.
Me: About what?
C: They're changing the hood ornament...I mean logo of the NFL.
M: To what?
C: Well, anything other than what it is now would be foolish.
M: So why are they changing it?
C: Eh, it's what the youngins tend to do.
M: Are you changing it?
C: Noo!
M: Who is?
C: Some newbie.
M: Oh, well, you better stop him.
C: Ok.

Belly Spots

Chris: [pats belly like a drum]
Me: Whatcha doin?
C: Half a spot on my belly.
M: A spot?
C: No, half a spot.
M: Why only half?
C: The other half...connected...my back.
M: So, it goes through you?
C: No.
M: How'd it get there?
C: I dunno.
M: Do you have a guess?
C: No.
M: Is it dangerous?
C: Oh yes. Very.
M: What does it do?
C: It erases...the untanglers.
M: Untanglers?
C: Yeah, the news and the shows.
M: Your spot does that?
C: What spot?
M: The one you told me about a minute ago. Oh, sorry. Half a spot.
C: Huh?
M: Are you confused?
C: No?
M: You sound confused.
C: Yes?