Inhale-o-heezy

Chris: Not quite yet.
Me: Huh?
C: I have to wait to pop my inhale-o-heezy.
M: [laughs] Inhale-o-heezy?
C: Yup.
M: What's that?
C: Let me show you!
M: [waits]...well?
C: Hm?
M: Is it your inhaler?
C: Yeah.

By the way, happy birthday to my wonderful, sleep-challenged husband!! I love you! :}

Inappropriate comments from imaginary people

Chris: He's almost there. [points at TV]
Me: Almost where?
C: Out of breath.
M: From what?
C: I don't know. We just wait for him when he's out of breath and then we all keep going.
M: Are you in a race?
C: No.
M: What is he doing?
C: I'll ask him.
M: Ok. Go ahead.
C: [waits a few seconds] Ok, I asked him. He said "blub blub blub blub." Exactly like that.
M: [laughs] Can you translate?
C: Yeah. He said he really likes your boobs. [puckers lips for kiss]
M: [kisses him and laughs] That's inappropriate for him to say. I can't post this!
C: Eh. [dances]
M: [laughs] Are you dancing again?
C: Mmm-hmm.
M: To what?
C: I don't know.
M: You're so weird.

Accents

Chris: [chuckles]
Me: What?
C: [in British accent] I don't know.
M: Are you British?
C: [still in accent] I don't know.
M: You're talking in a British accent.
C: [still in accent] I could be British or I could be Indian.
M: Indian? You don't have that accent.
C: [in bad Indian accent] I could be Indian. Everyone loves them in phase 5.
M: Phase 5 of what?
C: [back to the British accent] Take over. [starts dancing]
M: [laughs] Are you dancing?
C: [still in British accent] I don't know.

Advice and Mickey balloons

Chris: That's some pretty good advice there.
Me: What advice?
C: On delivering the sandwich.
M: What kind of sandwich is it?
C: I don't know. I'm just making it up as I go along. [makes Price is Right losing sound]
M: [laughs] Oh, ok.
C: Mouse ears.
M: Huh?
C: On that balloon over there.
M: Where?
C: The kid in my head has a Mickey balloon.
M: Oh, so I can't see it?
C: No.
M: Why can only you see it?
C: I'm fun.
M: I'm boring?
C: No.
M: Oh, ok.

No parking

Chris: [mumble mubmle] document!
Me: What document?
C: Me!
M: You're a document?
C: Yes.
M: You're not a person?
C: Well, that's what you have to decide. Am I a person or a document?
M: A person.
C: I'm not a printing document? Of the [mumble mumble]?
M: Do you have an on/off switch?
C: No.
M: So what happens when I push this? [taps his forehead]
C: You don't wanna know!
M: I did it already! What will happen?
C: Nevada will park on New Jersey tomorrow.
M: [laughs]

Doctor

Chris: Doctor, I'm kind of concerned you left all the greens on your plate.
Me: Greens?
C: Yeah, all the broccolis.
M: Who are you calling doctor?
C: [with attitude] Who you callin' doctor?

Little rats

Chris: [looks very confused] What is that? [points at end of bed] (Sound familiar?)
Me: My hoodie.
C: Oh, ok.
M: What did you think it was?
C: A little rat.
M: A rat? Why would there be a rat in the bed?
C: I was waiting for you to tell me.
M: Where would it have come from?
C: I don't know.