Pianning

Chris: The man with the piano...watch out...[mumble]...nuking.
Me: What about the man?
C: He has a piano.
M: What is he doing with it?
C: ...Pianning.
M: [laughs] Pianning?
C: Yeah. That's what you do with a piano.
M: Ok. And what did you say about nuking?
C: Nuking.
M: Yeah, who's nuking?
C: I don't know.

I think someone's been playing too much Fallout 3 lately.

Super Powers

Chris: Hm. I didn't notice that before. [raises arm and lets it fall back down]
Me: Notice what?
C: [raises arm and lets it fall back down]
M: What are you pointing at?
C: Well, before...like, say 3 weeks ago, this arm would have had no trouble holding itself up. Now...[flops arm down again]
M: Now it falls?
C: Yeah.
M: Why?
C: Well, someone took the power, so it can't hold itself up.
M: I'm sure you could hold it up if you tried!
C: But that's the point! It used to stay on its own. But someone stole the super power.
M: Your super power is holding your arm upright? [laughing]
C: [smiles] Pretty impressive, huh?
M: [laughs]
C: And it's all because of the anupi-nupi plant!
M: [laughs harder] The what??
C: The anupi-nupi plant.
M: Oh, is that the plant we were talking about earlier? The one that can be used as a paper clip? (We had been joking around about this made-up plant earlier, long story)
C: No, I've already forgotten the name of that one.

Yarn death

Well, as I've done a few times before, I went and had another midnight freak-out. Chris's sleep-talking is usually subdued and he rarely gets upset about anything he's talking about at the time. I'm not so lucky. Me? I have the occasional "OMG THE WORLD IS ENDING" (even if it is just a spider) nightmare. Neither of us wrote down this conversation, but we both remember the gist of it.

I woke up in a complete panic. All I knew was that Chris had some horrible disease where yarn grew out of his mouth and suffocated him. It was my job to snip the end of the yarn as it came out his mouth, at least every half hour or so, and if I failed to do so, he'd die. I looked over at him, realized that I'd fallen asleep and let him go all night without me snipping the yarn, and was convinced he was dead. I apparently shook him while hyperventilating and panicking (though neither of us remembers what I was saying while hyperventilating), trying to make him come back to life, which of course woke him up. He calmly told me it was just a nightmare and that it was ok. It took me a few minutes to realize that everything was ok and it was just a dream. I suppose it's probably a good thing I didn't have scissors nearby...anyway, I hope I don't have any dreams like this again, though. It was pretty awful.

Crawling fish

Chris: It's constantly crawling.
Me: What is?
C: Waters. Waters.
M: Water?
C: Wilbur.
M: The fish? (We have a fish named Wilbur.)
C: Yeah.
M: How's he crawling?
C: He's going from start to finish.
M: Is he in a race?
C: No.
M: What's the start?
C: I don't know.
M: How is he crawling?
C: I don't know. Why don't you ask him?
M: What would he say?
C: Merp!

Absorbable toast?

It's funny how talking about Chris not talking in his sleep seems to actually prompt him to talk again. We were at our friends' house this weekend and they mentioned that it seems that Chris has been quiet lately, based on not seeing anything new on the blog. Lo and behold, that night, he spoke again:

Chris: The previous method of delivery was the toaster.
Me: What's being delivered?
C: The toaster distributes it.
M: Right, but what is it distributing?
C: It gets absorbed into your skin. It's like... [thinks] not really like a medicine... [thinks some more]...
M: Like food?
C: No.
M: Do you drink it?
C: No.
M: So what is it?
C: It's absorbed into the skin.
M: What is?
C: [thinks] I don't know what it is. It's absorbed.
M: Is this a conspiracy?
C: Yeah, sure.
M: [laughs] Ok.
[a few minutes pass]
M: [not expecting an answer since, typically, Chris completely leaves his train of thought/falls into a deeper sleep once we stop talking] So, what was the old method?
C: Uh, well, it's absorbed. What do you mean?
M: Well, you said the toaster is the new method. What's the old one?
C: Um...what?
M: Where did it originally come from?
C: Originally? I guess the guy.
M: What guy? God?
C: No. [said like I suggested something silly]
M: Then who?
C: [suddenly very confused] Huh? I don't know...
M: Ok, go back to sleep. [pats Chris]

Turtles and special effects

Chris: You'll notice you never see the turtle in both scenes.
Me: What?
C: [points at TV] Well, you see, the turtle isn't in the two scenes. There's no super special effects. Effects. [gestures with hands]
M: The turtle?
C: In the scene. There are no special special effects. [turns head to the side and fake-snores, complete with whistle]
M: [laughs] You don't snore like that!
C: [smiles and keeps fake-snoring a few times]

Missiles

Chris: [points at bedroom door] What is that?? [said in very serious tone]
Me: Where?
C: There! In the corner!
M: The air vent?
C: Oh.
M: What did you think it was?
C: An array of missiles.
M: Pointed at us??
C: Yes.
M: Why?
C: I don't know.
M: Who was pointing them at us?
C: I don't know. I didn't get a good look.