Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Team Traveling

Chris: They sure do make it hard to travel.
Me: Huh?
C: Well, anytime someone in the team wants to travel.
M: What team?
C: The barren team.
M: Oh, ok. How is it hard to travel?
C: Anytime they want to travel, they have to smell a marble.
M: You're silly.
C: Yeah! [smiles]

Saturday, December 22, 2007


Chris: Resin knows what's up!
Me: What's resin?
C: A super-sticky substance.
M: How can it know what's up?
C: It just does, ok?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Pepe LePew

Chris: Uh oh.
Me: What?
C: Are you going to summon a skunk to my upper bicep?
M: Huh?
C: Pepe LePew.
M: Why would I do that?
C: I dunno. Do you hold a cartoony grudge against me?
M: No.
C: Well, that's a relief.

Sunday, December 16, 2007


Chris: I think I figured out the problem with gravity.
Me: What is it?
C: From the user to the box.
M: What does that have to do with gravity?
C: The cables from the box to the...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

User Friendly

Chris: It doesn't get more user friendly than this.
Me: Than what?
C: The parts. You just walk up to the user friendly parts.
M: User friendly?
C: Yeah. The car doesn't spit at you and actively shun you away.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

The target

Chris: Oh God, that's awful!
Me: What is?
C: The targets.
M: What's targeted?
C: Well, it used to be just thumbs.
M: What is it now?
C: Some bad dragon.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Free Fays

Chris: There are plenty of people out there playing free fays.
Me: What's free fays?
C: You'll see.
M: Is it good?
C: No.
M: Is it scary?
C: No.
M: What is it?
C: You'll see.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


Chris: Wah! Caskins! [points up]
Me: Huh?
C: There's hundreds of them!
M: What's a caskin?
C: You put dead bodies in them.
M: Casket?
C: Oh, yeah, that's what I meant.
M: There's no caskets up there.
C: Are you blind?
M: No, you're sleeping.
C: No, I'm not.
M: Yes you are. It's impossible to have caskets on our ceiling. How would they get up there?
C: Flashlights.
M: How does that work?
C: Television.
M: Now you're making no sense.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Another talkative night

Three separate conversations!

Chris: Yawn. [points at fan]
Me: Huh?
C: It was shaking somewhat violently like it was going to fall on me.
M: The fan?
C: Yeah.
M: It's not moving.
C: Hm...

Chris: It's the chimish that I cherish every day.
Me: The what?
C: Chimish.
M: Chimish?
C: Chimish!
M: Chermer?
C: Chermer!
M: You cherish Charlie?
C: No. Chimish.

Chris: Well, I think tonight was a very fun day.
Me: Why?
C: There were lots of fun things that happened.
M: Like what?
C: Like levitating duckie bank.

Monday, November 26, 2007

The Craft and the Dating Game

Chris: This was the first part to get hit by the rock.
Me: What was?
C: The craft.
M: How'd it get hit?
C: It was...let's did it go? [hums theme song from The Dating Game]
M: Are you singing that song again?? (he had hummed it a few times earlier in the day)
C: Yup.
M: So what got hit?
C: Huh?
M: You said the craft got hit.
C: Well, that doesn't make much sense.
M: I know. What's a craft? Like a boat?
C: No.
M: Like a skill?
C: Yeah. Kinda like manufacturing. Blacksmithing.
M: Like from World of Warcraft?
C: Yup.
M: [I go to write all this down, a few minutes pass]
C: [sings The Dating Game song again]
M: [laughs]

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


Chris: I would like to actively point out how old I am in this example.
Me: Oh? How old are you?
C: Several hundred hours or so.
M: Oh, ok. Why are you pointing this out?
C: To give the younger ones a chance.
M: A chance at what?
C: Well, you know, to get off the ground.
M: Off the ground? Can they fly?
C: No. I'm speaking figuratively of course. Duh.
M: Oh, I see. So, is being old good or bad?
C: Mostly bad.
M: So, are you not doing well?
C: Well, they like me, so it makes up for things.
M: Is this a competition?
C: Survival of the fittest.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


Chris: I'll find a thing of [mumbles].
Me: Of what?
C: Of spectacles.
M: Spectacles? For who?
C: Me.
M: Why do you need them?
C: To be invisible.
M: Invisible! How do they do that?
C: Huh?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

A Special Treat

Chris has been unusually quiet lately, but here's a surprise: I was the one doing the talking last night! A tad embarrassing, but here it is:

Me: Chris!! Chris!! Get up! [shakes Chris violently] Get out of bed! There's a s-, a s-, a s-, a sp-, a huge spider in the middle of the room!
Chris: It's only Buffy. (the cat)
M: [jumps out of bed] No, it definitely wasn't Buffy! It was a huge spider! [runs to the door]
C: ....
M: [comes back and stands next to bed, inspecting sheets]
C: Come back to bed, it was only a dream.

I do vaguely remember this happening and I was terrified at the time.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007


Chris: Mine has pan on it.
Me: Pan?
C: Yeah.
M: What's pan?
C: You know, like the spikes that help it catch equipment.
M: Oh. Have you caught anything?
C: No.
M: Then why do you have it?
C: It just makes things easier.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Running away

Chris: [shuffles feet under covers]
Me: What are you doing?
C: Running away!
M: From what?
C: From what he was saying.
M: Who?
C: Michael. We were talking about pronunciation guides. He said "Well, I can understand why Chris was running away last night" and then he was like "Blablanunhanunaduhduhnuh".
M: What did he mean?
C: Well, that's the thing. He spouted off this word with like 9 million vowels!
M: Oh, weird..who's Michael?
C: Oh, not Michael. I mean the project leader.
M: Oh, ok.

Sunday, October 21, 2007


Chris: Loudy.
Me: What's loudy?
C: The state of being loud.
M: Ok, so what is loud?
C: The art.
M: What art?
C: Counting lamardy.
M: What's lamardy?
C: Come on, we've been through this.
M: Remind me?
C: Mmmmm.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

I'm an awful wife :)

Chris: Are you awake over there?
Me: I just got back from the bathroom. Why?
C: You've been muttering acronyms, like SDT or LDT or something. It had to do with healing.
M: No I'm not.
C: Yes you are!
M: No I'm not. You're crazy. And sleeping.
C: No! I'm fully awake on this one.
M: [rolls over to pick up the paper to write this down]
C: Don't even think about writing this down! I'm not sleeping!
M: Yes you are!
C: If you touch that paper, I'll eat it!
M: [laughing] Ok.
C: [laughing also] Seriously, as your husband, I forbid you from writing this down!
M: I have to! [goes to write]
C: You're the world's most awful wife! You're even cackling!

*I thought maybe he woke up during this one since he was laughing quite a bit near the end, but he says he doesn't remember it at all, so he must've been sleeping :)

Thursday, October 18, 2007


Chris: I just got 60. Isn't that exciting?
Me: You did?
C: Yeah.
M: What character?
C: [pats stomach]
M: What's it's name?
C: I don't remember her name. His name. Whatever.
M: But it's on your stomach?
C: Yup.
M: That's silly.
C: I'm confused.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Chris: Rabbits!
Me: What rabbits?
C: Rabbits?
M: What about them?
C: They're the ones causing the bumps on my arms.
M: What rabbits?
C: DAH!!

Sunday, October 7, 2007

My guys

Chris: My guys are getting good.
Me: What guys?
C: [shakes feet] These guys.
M: Your feet? Why are they getting good?
C: They're getting cheeseable.
M: Ew! That's gross!

Friday, October 5, 2007

I'm a professional

Chris: [looks at me wide-eyed, tries to poke my eye, and makes a squish sound] Don't try to stop me, I'm a professional!

Chris: [scratches back] It's too hard to reach.
Me: What is?
C: My badge.
M: What badge?
C: My badge for personal health.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

My Merlin

Chris: [chuckles] Uh oh. I think I lost the pigeon to the pebble.
Me: Huh? What does that mean?
C: As in, I lost my pigeon.
M: Why do you have a pigeon?
C: It's my Merlin.
M: Your Merlin? Is it a magical pigeon?
C: No.
M: Then what do you mean?
C: ....
M: Chris?
C: Hm?
M: What do you mean?
C: ....

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


Chris: [sits up in bed]
Me: What's the matter?
C: 2 days to set up, 2 days to tear down.
M: What are you setting up and tearing down?
C: You know, like, the thing that makes you bigger or smaller.
M: Who are you making bigger or smaller?
C: ....
M: Ok. How do you do it?
C: It's the thing...bigger or smaller...buff.
M: Oh, like in World of Warcraft?
C: Yeah.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Looking for clues!

Chris: [sits up and looks at my video game]
Me: Are you ok? What are you doing?
C: Searching the picture for clues.
M: What kind of clues?
C: Any.
M: Well, what are you looking for?
C: Any clue.
M: Ok..why are you looking for clues? Is there a mystery?
C: Yes.
M: What's the mystery?
C: Any mystery.
M: So it's just a general mystery?
C: Yeah.
M: [after about a minute] Seeing anything yet?
C: No. Still looking.
M: It's ok. Lay back down.
C: Ok.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

The moon

Chris: Yes, the moon is outside.
Me: Why wouldn't it be?
C: Oh, I don't know.
M: Isn't it good that it's out there?
C: Not necessarily.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

No footprints

Chris: It's better for the environment.
Me: What is?
C: Not to leave a footprint.
M: How do we do that?
C: We're hovering.
M: How are we hovering?! Are we magic?
C: Yes.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Why do you do this to me?

Chris: [laughing] That was funny!
Me: What was?
C: They were taken to another world and all of a sudden their cup of coffee was gone!
M: Who was taken?
C: The do you do this to me?!
M: Because you're funny. And you're sleeping!
C: You're sleeping!

Monday, September 24, 2007


Chris: [laughing softly] I'll try to be nice with the cables.
Me: The cables?
C: Yeah, you know, if everyone is being nice with the cables, I'll try to be unkempt.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Checking in

Chris: What do we have to clean before check-in?
Me: Who is checking in?
C: Well, you know, like, if I was checking in and giving you my name.
M: This isn't a hotel. Why are you checking in?
C: Well, have you ever been to, like, a fair and if you get there early, they pay you?
M: No! Why would they pay you?
C: Because you waited so long. Are you telling me you really haven't done this?
M: Yes.
C: Then you haven't lived!
M: What fair is this?
C: The Winter Festival.
M: Where's that?
C: Massachusetts. Central Mass.
M: So what does this have to do with cleaning and checking in?
C: ...I don't know.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

The gabilona?

Chris: She reached down too far!
Me: Who?
C: The lady on this tv show...she reached too far on the phone.
M: What phone?
C: The one it just showed. It zoomed down on the animal.
M: What kind of animal?
C: The gabilona.
M: What's that?
C: The official animal of the cannonball.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Bad behavior

Chris: That's a good woman! [slaps my leg]
Me: What?!
C: I'm just kidding. I'm not awarding that.
M: Awarding what?
C: Your bad behavior.
M: What bad behavior?
C: You're a woman.
M: That's my bad behavior?!
C: Yup!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Fruthers and monsters

Chris: Don't forget the fruther.
Me: Feather?
C: Feather. Fruther.
M: What's a fruther?
C: You know, the lighter, slightly edible side of something.
M: Like what?
C: Hmmm, I'd have to think about it. I'm not sure there's a direct parallel.
M: Well, what's an example?
C: I don't know. I'd have to direct you to the website.
M: Ok, what's the website?
C: Hmmm, I think it's on our warlocks' character sheets.
M: Our warlocks have websites on their character sheets?
C: .....
M: About fruthers?
C: .....
M: Have I confused you?
C: Yeah.

Also, a very brief conversation:
Chris: [pointing at the ceiling fan] There's a large monster up there!
Me: Where?
C: Oh, my mistake. I must be imagining things...

Monday, September 10, 2007


Chris: They're all mine.
Me: What are?
C: The fritters.
M: Where are you getting fritters?
C: Mostly from over here.
M: Over there? Like that side of the bed?
C: Mmmmm...

Sunday, September 9, 2007

There is no why

Chris: Mmm...taters.
Me: What is taters?
C: You know. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew.
M: Why?
C: There is no why to taters.
M: Dreaming of taters?
C: Huh?
M: You said taters.
C: I did?
M: Yeah! Why else would we be talking about taters?
C: There is no why to taters.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

The Print

Chris: Here. [holds out hand like holding something]
Me: What's this?
C: A part of the print.
M: What print?
C: The painting I'm working on.
M: What painting?
C: [pats bed]
M: That's not a painting. That's the bed.
C: You're lying!
M: You're sleeping!

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Beauty time?

Chris: I'm looking for something with a bit more convenience.
Me: Huh?
C: I'm not talking to you.
M: Who are you talking to?
C: The game.
M: Oh. Well, what kind of convenience?
C: More on-screen beauty time.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Bad music

Chris: I hate your kind of music. I want to destroy it.
Me: Why?
C: It pierces my ears.
M: What kind of music is it?
C: I don't know, but there's none left.
M: Why?
C: Because everyone else is working for Thomas.
M: Thomas?
C: Yeah. Or some other place.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


Chris: [in high pitched voice] Oh no!
Me: What?
C: Sproing!
M: What??
C: Sproing!
M: What's sproing?
C: Watch! [points up at the ceiling fan]
M: Watch what?
C: The little guy on the fan! Sproing!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Flight crews

Chris: It's a sofan.
Me: What's that?
C: It's in the same category as a nofan.
M: What does that mean?
C: It was given to me by one of my flight crew.
M: Flight crew??
C: Yeah. Mickey. He was one of my guys in Vietnam.
M: You don't have a flight crew.
C: Put that pad away!
M: No! I need to write this down!
C: No you don't!
M: Yes I do.
C: [getting kind of angry] Come on, Mel. I'm fully conscious on this one.
M: No you aren't.
C: Yes I am!
M: You don't have a flight crew!
C: ...huh?

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Mr. Chattypants

He actually talked 3 separate times last night! Here goes:

Chris: [Dung!]
Me: Huh?
C: [Dung!]
M: What's [dung!]?
C: The base.
M: The base? Of what?
C: The base of the netherwing.
M: What do you mean? Can you play it?
C: Maybe. Maybe not.

Chris: I'm getting tan.
Me: Tan?
C: Yeah, tan.
M: How?
C: Well, I'm spending enough time in the sun.
M: But you don't like being in the sun.
C: [shrugs]
M: Besides, it's dark out now.
C: You don't get any practice during the day?

Chris: He's got a nickname for us.
Me: Who does?
C: The apprentice photographer guy from the Vatican.
M: Why?
C: Because he likes us.
M: Oh, so it's not a bad nickname?
C: Oh, no. Photographers are very twisted people. They make fun of you if they like you. [rolls over] Mmm, you smell nice.

Thursday, August 23, 2007


Chris: There were no sidewalks in that town.
Me: What town?
C: The town we just passed.
M: How did we pass it?
C: We did a fly over.
M: In a plane?
C: No, we flew.
M: The two of us?
C: Yeah. Well, one per carpet.
M: Carpet? Like a magic carpet?
C: Yeah, what do you think all these tokens are for?

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


Chris: Did she just win?
Me: Who?
C: The sister.
M: Win what?
C: The elastic thing between dialing.
M: Elastic thing?
C: Well, you know, the stretchy thing.
M: Huh?
C: [pause]
M: Chris, you're funny.
C: I'm not sleeping, you know!
M: Yes, you are.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Bald Eagles

Chris: It's a pity to return such valuable merchandise. It's a beautiful animal.
Me: What animal?
C: American bald eagle. It's beautiful.
M: Yeah, why would you return it?
C: I don't know. [pause] I wonder what it tastes like.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The shipments!

Chris: [points at tv] Where are the shipments?
Me: What shipments?
C: They're supposed to be arriving today.
M: From the tv?
C: Yes.
M: I don't think the tv can make shipments.
C: [looks at me in disbelief] That's why I stayed up!
M: But you aren't up! You're sleeping. It's ok. Go back to sleep.
C: I'm not sleeping!!
M: [laughing] Yes, you are. It's ok. Go to sleep.
C: You're mean!
M: [laughs and pats his face]